J JONAH JAMESON HERE WITH THE LATEST! SPIDER-MAN AND HIS ERRAND BOY, R U REDDY, WHICH IS QUITE POSSIBLY THE WORST NAME I'VE EVER HEARD, HAVE BEEN SPOTTED ROBBING OUR CITIES ELDERLY!
LUCKILY, THE HEROIC SPIDER-WOMAN HAS BEEN STOPPING THEM AT EACH TURN. TIME WILL TELL US IF THE SPIDER-WOMAN IS REALLY ON OUR SIDE, OR IF SHE'S JUST A PAWN IN THE SPIDER-MAN'S GAME! THE WEBBED MENACE WAS ALSO SCENE ROBBING A GAMESTOP OF ALL OF IT STAR WARS CONTENT. HORRIFYING,
I KNOW.